All My Love

Prologue

  My heart fluttered and cracked all at once when he pulled me into a tight embrace. I let him as I sank into his arms, trying to remember his touch, his voice-

    But he pulled away too soon.

    Caleb’s warm brown eyes searched mine, matching their care and equal worry.

    “I have to go.”

    “I’ll miss you.” My voice cracked.

    His gaze flicked away. “I know... I’ll miss you too.” Seeing that my expression didn’t change, he spoke again in an effort to condole with me. “I’ll write to you every week. I promise.“

    I hugged him. Briefer. Fleeting, like his presence. “Thank you.”

    “Bye, Heather.”

    “Bye, Caleb.”

    I refused to let my welling tears escape my eyes, forcing out those last words that felt like a death sentence. Because I knew full well I could never see him again.

All My Love

    Going through the motions became daily practice for the following months. But Caleb kept his promise, and every week, I was reassured he was alright. Still, I couldn't help but worry. War.. changes people. I shook the thought off.

    Numbing my thoughts, I let time pass.

    This week, his letter didn’t come.

    I paced, heavy footsteps resonating on my floorboards. Maybe he was busy. Yeah, that was probably it. He was just unable to-I didn’t know.

    Or something could’ve happened...

    Probably dealing with something particularly time-consuming.

    The next seven days or so flew by like a blur. I waited every day, trying not to be presumptuous yet pondering every possible outcome, justifying his disappearance, stopped eating, anxiety intensifying by the day, stress through the roof-

    “You have mail.”

     The voice was my own. I stifled a laugh. Talking to myself now, was I? Only a few days passed and I’d already deluded myself so much I couldn’t tell what was real and not anymore. Yet I still checked to see if I’d gotten anything.

    This time, there was a letter.

    My heart leapt into my throat and I quickly picked it up, clinging to it like a lifeline. It was from Caleb. My desperate fingers scrabbled at the envelope, suspense palpable in my frantic manner. I opened the letter.

“Heather,

     I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to send you a letter last week. We had to carry out an especially long and dangerous stealth mission and I got occupied because of the immense peril my team and I were faced with. I hope you can forgive me.

    On the bright side, I have some great news! I’ve been feeling a lot better recently because of it too. I got a girlfriend-her name’s Penelope, and she’s so sweet. I was planning on telling you sooner, but I decided to make it a surprise-especially because I want to bring her with me the next time I visit-if that’s ok with you, of course. I really want you guys to meet. I think you’d get along.

    How are you feeling? I remember you said you felt a bit sick.

                     Feel better,

                          Caleb”

    My heart sank, and my vision swam, clouded as my thoughts.

    A girlfriend?

    I stumbled into my table, clutching the corner for support. A broken smile made its way onto my lips.

    He has a girlfriend.

    My grin grew wider, accompanying eyes devoid of emotion.

    Okay.

    Okay...

    That’s okay.

    Eventually, he visited.

    With Penelope.

    I opened my door, eager to see him.

    Them, I reminded myself.

    Shoot, she was pretty.

    Seeing them together in person hit me like a train. It struck harder than writing on a letter ever could. The worst part was remembering how close we were before she came into the picture. One could almost assume we were a couple-when really, the two of us were just friends. But I wish we were more than that. Now I see that my hopes were as meaningless as the broken promise he once made me.

    Shoving my thoughts aside, I greeted them, smiling with a warmth that didn’t quite reach my eyes. I made sure to maintain my demeanor with a careful mask. We talked some, and the more I got to know Penelope, the more envious I became. No wonder why Caleb fell in love with her. She was pretty, kind as he’d described, and practically the perfect girl.

    Over the course of their stay, I continued pretending to be happy for the two of them. But really, it vexed me. Seeing them together. Every kiss and flirt was another grimace I fought to suppress. It stung so bad, and certainly didn’t help the growing jealousy blooming from my shattered heart.

    Soon, it was nearly time for them to leave.

    My blackened mind had other plans.

    Penelope would leave. Just not in the way she’d expect.

    One day, I crept into the kitchen where Penelope was chopping vegetables. I chuckled inside. It was such a mundane task-it humored me in the face of my conceived plan I was soon to execute. Quite literally.

    She turned around. “Oh, hi, Heather. I didn’t see you there.”

    I said nothing, hands behind my back.

    “Hey, are you o-“

    I drew out the large kitchen knife I’d slipped out while Penelope wasn’t looking. A maniacal grin split my lips and I and advanced toward her, admiring the fear now in her eyes.

    “Heather?” She backed against the counter.

    Wasting no more time, I lunged, knocking the knife out of her hand and using my own to impale her wrist. Penelope screamed as blood started gushing from the wound, and I only laughed in the face of her terror. 

    “WHAT THE FUCK-STOP!” she shrieked.

    Relentless, I ignored her pleas. I slammed her head into the wall then kicked her to the ground like the sick piece of trash she was and always would be. 

    “What reason is there for me to?” my cold voice rose. “You STOLE Caleb from me. YOU WORMED YOUR WAY IN BETWEEN US. THINGS WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU!”

    “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” she cried, seemingly confused at my derision. I replied by spitting on her face twisted with agony.  Blood streamed down one spot on her forehead, meeting rivulets of tears and other fluids that should normally never meet the outside of the body. Uncaring of any of her pain, I stalked forward with a predatory glare in my eye. Funny. I didn’t remember being there just a while ago.

    All humanity and morals stripped away, I proceeded to mutilate her other limbs, vehemently stabbing her over and over. The air was a cacophony of her screeches and my cackling. Penelope’s blood spilled out onto my floor, a macabre yet beautiful painting on the slick tile. Once I was done, I slit her throat in one swift motion, ending her wails as I held her body in my crimson arms. I watched the life drain from her very eyes, relishing every moment.

    Life went on.

    I didn’t seem to recall much of the disposal process after I killed Penelope. Neither did I remember interacting with Caleb. But I’d achieved my goal and that was what mattered.

    I lived in a numb sort of peace from there.

    Until a peculiar occurrence appeared.

    One day, I opened my front door, and instead of the hills I’d grown so accustomed to was a dim cave.

    Against my better judgement-well, maybe that’s not a good way to describe it. (There didn’t seem to be much of my fraying sanity left at that point.)

    Intrigued, I stepped outside.

    There I found a series of strange winding caves, dim light emanating from seemingly random spots. Patches of grass carpeted certain areas of the rocky floor-which was even stranger.

    Nevertheless, I navigated through the caverns before they led me into another cave-but it was tremendous. There, I found trees spanning across the whole room-many unusually shaped. Some twisted, some oddly angular-and lining the walls was a menagerie of plants I didn’t recognize. I took my time navigating the place.

    I wasn’t sure before if I was just hearing things, but the more time went on, the more my suspicions were solidified. Nearly every time I paused or slowed my pace, I’d hear it again-footsteps, always halting just a fraction of a second too late.

    It shook me a bit, but I still proceeded. The opportunity to turn back was long gone-and something about this place was just... so intriguing. As if it wanted me to find it.

    I explored for what felt like hours before making my way out of a sprawling maze-resemblant structure. Now, I was in another cave-nearly parallel to the one I began my journey in.

    Though this time, an obvious contrast stood out to me.

    There was a fork in the tunnel. Not like there hadn’t been different routes before- yet something about this encounter felt different.

    I turned left. This time I noticed more anomalies.

    As I walked, the whole setting became darker. Black splotches became increasingly common in parts of the tunnel where light seemed to have been sucked out of the very rock itself. These clusters grew more and more dense, and soon, I could barely see.

    Suddenly, an eerie, morbid howling echoed from some distance behind me. Heart pounding, I took off running-straight forward, praying I wouldn’t hit stone, that it wouldn’t catch up to me-this was such a bad idea...

    And just as quickly as it started, it stopped. I continued fleeing.

    That is, until I saw light ahead. Desperate, I chased toward it-to find a pair of massive golden gates towering before me, like a beam of light parting the darkness. Noticing one of them was ajar, just enough for me to slip inside, I squeezed through. My eyes fell upon it.

    I ran. I ran like never before, dashing out the gates and booking it back the way I came. I didn’t care if there was some horrible thing waiting to pursue me, if I’d crash headfirst into a wall-I needed to get out. Feet aching, legs burning, lungs screaming for air, I propelled myself as fast as possible toward the other crossroad. Seeing there was a ledge, I grabbed at the rock, clawing at whatever I could grab ahold of, cold stone biting into my skin, blood running down my hands, and I heaved myself through the hole that came into view-

    I collapsed on the cool tile of my kitchen floor.

    Home.

    There was no trace of whatever I’d just faced but my battered body.

    But I didn’t care anymore. I picked up my knife with trembling hands and the last thing I heard was my own despair-ridden wail as I plunged it straight through my heart.

    Because what I saw on the other side of the gate was so cruel, so utterly vile I could no longer bear the weight of what I’d done. Because when I witnessed the brutal scene frozen in time for what it really was, the entire illusion my mind conjured up completely shattered. Because in the face of love comes obsession and obsession was my ruin.

    Because that wasn’t Penelope I killed.

    The one whose lifeless eyes once so full of light I watched stare up at me, pleading, so undeserving of my cruelty-

    They belonged to Caleb.