When I Meet You Again

During math I caught his gaze on me. Our eyes locked for one second and he looked away immediately, smiling a little bit. “His name is Kyle” I said for the tenth time. “I know, Kylie,” Kelly said. “ You have said it like 10,000 times already” She told me with that heavy feeling in her voice which meant she was annoyed but she would still listen. It was because she loved having me as company and having me to talk to when it seemed that there was no one else she could talk to in the entire world. Kelly is very introverted and has only had 1 friend. Me. And honestly I enjoyed it, but I felt very bad for her because deep down I knew she wanted to talk to more people, and be more open to others. But it was too hard for her.

“Do you ever wonder what would happen if you dated someone?” I said as the words slipped out of my mouth. Kelly's head slowly turned and her face dropped. “Kylie… What do you mean?” “ I mean if someone were to date someone what would you do? Are they like a built in best friend that you can trust with everything? Or do you need to impress them everyday? Glamming up, changing how you act, changing your style. If that is what a boyfriend is then I don't want one” I replied with a sigh. "Kylie you're being dramatic” Kelly replied. “ Am I really, though? Would you want to be with someone who didn't like you for you but instead the image of you? How would it feel like waking up every day dreading to see that person in school?”  I questioned. “ Go home, it's getting late”  Kelly said with the sigh that meant she was done talking to everyone and wanted a nap. “ Ok” I replied slowly, dragging my feet and grabbing my bags. I walked down the steps of her humble home, which was filled with so much love and happiness.

When I walked into school, suddenly my eyes looked for Kyle, and I hoped that I’d see him today. Then, at 7:58 I saw him. He looked like he normally did, but somehow I thought he looked cuter. “No…, I can't,” I thought to myself. Could I have a CRUSH!? I walked to first period with that question hanging low in my brain.  At first period we sat on opposite sides of the room, but I still felt the eyes of someone that I thought I liked but wasn't sure. I walked into our second class with my head still clinging onto the heaviest question that I was still too delusional to believe. Second period flew by like nothing, but yet I still felt the heavy eyes of someone who might like me, and the fact is, I wasn't troubled by it. For some reason, I kind of enjoyed it.

Third period was math. The class where I always felt his gaze. While his eyes were focused on me, he was talking to his friends about the football game with the Jets, or some math problem they couldn't solve. He was always different from the popular kids. He was genuinely smart and tried in school, and he cared about people's feelings. He was almost perfect. Except for one thing. He always toyed with peoples feelings which totally contradicts the idea of him caring about others. If you didn't like him romantically he would treat you like a normal human being but if you even showed a little bit of interest in him he would give mixed signals that confused you. But that's what almost every boy in the 7th grade did. As soon as the bell rang for fourth period I ran down to the cafeteria. 

I ran over to Kelly and told her the question that had been stuck in my head since AM homeroom. Kelly dragged me by my wrist to the bathroom, and while this was happening, Kyle was walking out and bumped into me. He was taller than me but not by a lot. Probably a couple inches taller. As we collided Kelly pretended to bump into me and she pushed me more into Kyle. As that was happening it felt like time slowed down and we spun around. Time didn't freeze though instead it lasted for 4-5 seconds and he almost immediately backed up and asked if I was ok. I was still trying to re-think what just happened then Kelly responded for me “Yup shes totally ok!” Kyle said ok and walked away looking back every so often to make sure I was actually ok and not in a dazed state of mind. Then he finally walked away. I remained in that frozen state for about 1-2 minutes while Kelly was also frozen and secretly cheering in her mind because of what happened. 

She dragged me to the table where we would always sit but my eyes didn't focus on her, or the people who sat at our table. Instead my eyes scanned the cafeteria looking for him. Every time I saw someone that looked like him but wasn't him, I would get upset and would look again until I made the conclusion that he was outside. Instead of chasing him, I’d let him chase me even though I knew it would never happen. He had another thing in common with the other boys; he was incredibly stubborn and wouldn't make the first move unless they dared to toy with a girl's feelings, making the girl feel lonely, miserable, and mad at everyone but the true person she should be mad at. Him. As  my head spinned, the thought of a picket white fence and a dog named lily came to mind. Hoping, feeling, and living in the moment, I thought it couldn't get any better. Instead my thoughts were invaded by what if questions, like why am I planning a future with a person who I don't know even likes me back.

As I was walking home with Kelly, all I could think about was him. The thoughts of me colliding with him. The warmth of his sweater was still lingering in my mind and I try to re-imagine what just happened to me in that moment of joyous rebellion yet still maintaining my composure and trying not to get hit by a car because then I wouldn't see him anymore. Not in my dreams, not in person, not ever. It felt like his spirit was chasing me down the block, and Kelly was walking at a normal pace and seemed to not notice how fast I was. I don't know why I was walking so fast, but I was. Maybe I didn't want him to get me even though I did. Maybe I was running from something I thought was my future. But in the end I still ran. I ran like my life depended on it, even though it was something I had hoped and wished for. I had hoped that he would recognize me and talk to me for hours on end. Except that only happens in fairy tales where the princess falls asleep and needs a prince to save her, and then it's all happiness and rainbows forever.

Now it’s Saturday and I got a message. I didn't think much of it, and I reached slowly for my phone and got another one popped up on my screen. The name Kyle lit up my screensaver with one message after another. The panic on my face was almost immediate. Then it changed to joy and happiness as I almost threw my phone across the room. A shock of “I need to respond… Don't I?"  Took over me. As I opened the message the message read “Yo”, “What's the homework” “???” I was getting so excited for a question that seemed normal to so many people but so disappointing to me. The mixed signals sent waves through my body and my fingers typed on the little screen, “Nothing much, just math and ELA”. As I planted my phone into my bed and screamed into a pillow I heard a familiar vibration. It was from my phone. This time I rushed over and read the message frantically. “OK. Thanks!” The words I expected but yet I wanted more. I wanted him to say how he wanted what happened at lunch to happen again. How he also wanted the white fence and the dog. But yet I said nothing but, “Your Welcome!” Immediately I took a screenshot and sent it to Kelly. Within 10 seconds I was already getting a frantic phone call from Kelly and the first words on the other line were “TELL ME EVERYTHING!” and so I did, down to the minute. 

Nothing really happened on Sunday except waiting…and waiting. Instead of  anticipating another message, I got ready. I worked out. I washed my hair. I did everything that made a girl feel confident. I practiced makeup for hours on end, perfecting it and seeing what looked best on me. Got the perfect outfit and packed my bag. I was prepared for everything. I walked into school feeling like a new person, and then I saw him staring right at me. But instead it felt like he was looking through me. Like he didn't care what I was wearing or what I looked like. Unlike the other guys. He made me feel valued and cared for like I was important, even though he wasn't even looking at me. It was the way he knew I existed, but didn't look at me, or any other girl, the way that other guys looked at us. It felt real. A little too real, yet I still believed that it was true love. But not everything is real in 7th grade. Almost nothing. 

Again, walking to first period felt surreal. I still thought that he liked me for me, but I felt that I would be proven wrong. I thought that maybe he would be dared to tell me he liked me, and would commit to it until I was head over heels and then destroy it all. Like a castle made of cards I was blown over. “I can't assume the worst right now”. As I walked to class, I realized that math was first. As soon as I sat down, again, I felt his eyes.  The day flew by. It felt fast. Too fast.  When I got home my phone buzzed  and the name Kyle lit up my screen. The 5 words I have been dreading and also waiting for popped up on my screen. “Will you be my girlfriend?”  I took a deep breath and a screenshot. I sent it to Kelly anxiously, and waited 5 seconds before I got a call. She told me what to do, and I responded with a hesitant yes, even though I was scared of a lot of things. But I can't be scared of my “boyfriend” liking someone else. So instead, I expressed my concerns to him and he swore he would never do that.

On Tuesday I walked in and it felt like everyone was looking at me. But that wasn’t all, I heard whispers. Girls, Boys, Kyle, even 6th and 8th grade knew, yet I had only told one person. Kelly.  In science I asked Kyle who he told about us. He later wrote a whole list including names I didn't even know. A few months passed and everyone acted like nothing happened. Then I got home and my phone lit up, and I saw a message from Kyle. He wrote a whole list of reasons explaining why he couldn't date me. Mainly issues with himself. This was exactly what I was nervous about, exactly what I told myself wouldn’t happen. For a while, I sat in a pile of my own tears and sorrow not knowing what to do.  On Wednesday I walked up to him and pulled him away to the side. “If you knew you had all these issues why would you want to date me in the first place?” I said with tears welling in my eyes, confused. It was like how I felt when I bumped into him for the first time. “It was a dare. I wouldn't have dated you or even talked to you if someone didn't dare me. God I didn't think you would be so upset. If I knew, I would have never asked you, but a bet's a bet.” Kyle responded, rolling his eyes. “Fine if you want to act like nothing happened then nothing happened. You can forget about me and the past 2 months. That means no more staring at me in the middle of class. I don't care if you have a lame excuse of staring. You can't look at me anymore.” I responded while rolling my eyes at him. “Fine” he said, stomping away like a child who didn't get what he wanted. As soon as he left I broke down in tears. What I feared had just happened to me. He did what he wanted to do, which was play with my feelings, and get money out of it. I grabbed my phone and opened Kyle’s contact…

The end!

Part 2 coming soon!